Making the decision
There comes a time in many friendships, or relationships of any kind, when you begin to question if you want to continue. If you’ve invest a lot of time and energy into the friendship you should take your time to evaluate if you should end it. Here are some questions you should ask yourself.
Is she dependable?
A friend is someone you can count on . An article written by the Better Help Editorial Team defines types of friends including the User Friend and the Flakey Friend in their article titled Friend and Friendship. If your friend fits their definition of the User or Flakey friend they probably aren’t best for you.
Is your friend only wrapped up with their life with no time for you?
Ask yourself if every conversation is wrapped up in your friend’s life, drama or chaos. If you find yourself not getting a word in edgewise, then it’s probably a one way friendship. Basically that means you give, you are there for them, you listen and you are present. However, they aren’t those things for you.
Friendships go both ways. Sometime one is needy and sometimes the other is. You need to know your friend is there for you the way you are for them.
Is she emotionally healthy enough for a good relationship?
Not everyone is equipped with relationship skills. While your friend may act appropriate with you, you may want to consider the other relationships they have.
For instance, you have a friend who has codependent and unhealthy relationships with her children which are not best for them and it negatively affects her marriage. She has toxic relationships with her family yet she expects you to listen to the drama and chaos she has created. Even is their toxicity may not appear to hinder your relationship, it will in the future.
Does your friendship give you a pleasant feeling?
Friendships should enhance your life not exhaust you. You should find yourself looking forward to talking or seeing your friends. Really examine how you feel when they call to hang out. Do you find yourself saying yes just to please them? Do you find yourself looking forward to seeing them?
Does she listen to you when you are having difficult times?
If you are a good listener who provides emotional support you shouldn’t settle for any less in friendships. Is your friend capable of emotional support. Does she pay close attention to you?
Is she a loyal friend?
A loyal friend is one who is stable and secure in the friendship. There is no neediness that causes conflict. It’s there when you need it even if it’s been a long time.
Should you end it?
If the red flags are all there you should consider ending this toxic friendship. It is in your best interests to develop healthy relationships with real friends. If you have trouble getting out, read the post I wrote entitled “ Ending a Friendship”
It’s hard to part ways with old friends. You may have a tough time accepting she is a bad friend. Maybe she wasn’t always this way but we have to accept that she is now.
A friend is someone who is trustworthy, supportive, dependable, and a good listener. They must enhance your life and be emotionally healthy. Am I describing your friend? Or not?
